Is it just me or has everyone abandoned me? Am I such a son-of-a-bitch that I don't deserve e-mails? Do others see me as so stupid, so undeserving of life, that I should be beaten like a dog? I have come round to seeing the inherent fascism in management and I guess I will do what I am told to do from now on. It feels like Passolini's 120 Days of Sodom. Do I overstate the case? Nobody is forcing me to eat shit. But my intuition tells me that there are other human beings who would be satisfied if I or members of my family were dead. There are people who do not wish me well. I am in a state of abjection. And, yes, I recognize that this may be the most astonishing vanity. I read an article in a British magazine this morning that disgusted me so much that I wrote to the editor calling it "execrable, patronizing, murderous, pompous crap." The article described two "specimens" of language teachers, penniless, propertiless, pensionless and boyfriendless at the ages of 38 and 48, working a "crappy language school" completely without dignity. The writer was some snooty bastard with a double-barrelled name who no doubt secured his pension and property writing crap about struggling language teachers having no dignity. I could smell greedy gentry and empire. I don't usually fire off angry e-mails. I sound like "Disgusted" of Tunbridge Wells, these days, and that's the truth. I feel disgust so often. And when I think about how vile the conduct of others may be, I also think about the possibility that I may be vile.